The Promise
After this chapter, you'll understand what it means to be unbreakable (not just resilient), see how to build three layers of independence, and design a plan to become harder to knock over in the next 6-12 months.
Resilience vs. Unbreakable
Resilience means you bounce back after a hit. Unbreakable means the hit makes you stronger.
Example: A resilient person loses their job, finds another one, and gets back to where they were. An unbreakable person loses their job, but they have savings, skills, and systems that let them not just recover, but improve their situation.
Resilience is reactive. Unbreakable is proactive. You build it before you need it.
There are three layers:
- Financial independence: You can survive without your job
- Psychological independence: You don't need others' approval
- Existential independence: You create your own meaning
Build all three, and you become unbreakable. Most people have none of them.
Layer 1: Financial Independence
Financial independence means you can survive without your job. You have:
- Emergency fund: 6-12 months of expenses saved
- Multiple income streams: Not dependent on one source
- Low expenses: You can live on less if needed
- Assets that compound: Investments that grow without you
Example: Sarah had a $50,000 emergency fund, $200,000 in investments generating $1,000/month, and a side business making $2,000/month. Her job paid $80,000/year, but she didn't need it. When her company laid her off, she wasn't stressed. She had options.
How to build it:
- Save 6-12 months of expenses (start with 1 month, build from there)
- Build at least one other income stream (side project, investments, rental income)
- Keep expenses low (don't inflate lifestyle with every raise)
- Invest consistently (automatic transfers to index funds)
You don't need to be rich. You just need to not be dependent on one thing.
Layer 2: Psychological Independence
Psychological independence means you don't need others' approval to feel good about yourself. You have your own standards and values.
Most people are dependent on:
- Social media likes
- Boss's approval
- Peer recognition
- Status symbols
When these disappear, they feel worthless. That's psychological dependence.
How to build it:
- Define your own success: Write down what matters to you, not what others think matters
- Reduce social comparison: Spend less time on social media, unfollow people who make you feel bad
- Practice saying no: You don't need to please everyone
- Spend time alone: Get comfortable with your own company
- Do things for yourself: Not for likes, approval, or recognition
Example: Mike used to post everything on social media and check likes constantly. He realized he was doing things for validation, not because he wanted to. He deleted social media, started doing things just for himself, and felt way more free.
Layer 3: Existential Independence
Existential independence means you create your own meaning. You don't need a job title, relationship status, or external validation to know who you are.
Most people get their identity from:
- Their job ("I'm a lawyer")
- Their relationships ("I'm a husband/father")
- Their possessions ("I drive a BMW")
- Their achievements ("I went to Harvard")
When these change, they lose their sense of self. That's existential dependence.
How to build it:
- Separate identity from roles: You're not your job, your relationship, or your stuff
- Define your values: What matters to you? What do you stand for?
- Accept uncertainty: Life is uncertain. That's normal. You don't need to know everything
- Create meaning through action: Meaning comes from what you do, not what you have
Example: Lisa lost her job, got divorced, and had to sell her house. But she realized her identity wasn't tied to those things. She was still herself. She rebuilt based on her values (helping others, learning, creating), not based on what others expected.
How to Build All Three Layers
You don't need to build them all at once. Start with one:
Year 1: Financial Independence
- Build 6-month emergency fund
- Start one side income stream
- Invest consistently
Year 2: Psychological Independence
- Define your own success metrics
- Reduce social comparison
- Practice saying no
Year 3: Existential Independence
- Separate identity from roles
- Define your values
- Create meaning through action
Or work on all three slowly. The key is starting. Most people never start because they think they need to be perfect. You don't. You just need to begin.
When the World Shakes
When crisis hits, most people panic. Unbreakable people stay calm because they've built systems that protect them.
Example: During the 2020 pandemic, most people panicked. But people who had:
- Emergency funds (financial independence)
- Remote work skills (not dependent on office)
- Clear values (psychological independence)
- Multiple income streams (financial independence)
...stayed calm. They had options. They weren't dependent on one thing.
You can't predict crises. But you can build systems that protect you from them. That's what makes you unbreakable.
From Idea to Action
This week, start building one layer:
- Financial Independence:
- Calculate your monthly expenses
- Set a goal: 1 month emergency fund (then 3, then 6)
- Start one side income stream (even if it's just $100/month)
- Set up automatic investing ($50-500/month)
- Psychological Independence:
- Write down your definition of success (not others')
- Unfollow 10 people on social media who make you feel bad
- Say no to one thing this week (just to practice)
- Spend 1 hour alone doing something you enjoy
- Existential Independence:
- Write down 3-5 values that matter to you
- List 3 things you do that align with those values
- Practice accepting uncertainty: "I don't know what will happen, and that's okay"
- Do one thing this week just because it matters to you, not for approval
Don't try to do everything. Pick one layer. Start there. Build it over 6-12 months. Then add another layer.
Remember: unbreakable isn't about being invincible. It's about being harder to knock over. Start with one layer. Build from there.